I can feel my body and adrenals start to relax, like I’m allowing myself to feel and live again. For the first time since Laef died I feel like I’m actually alive and that I don’t have to worry about my very survival or existence anymore. I don’t have to worry where my next meal or dollar is coming from, I no longer feel scarcity reaching its long spindly fingers around my neck, attempting to strangle the very life and breath from me. I can relax, I have some money of my own and a beautiful man who is taking care of me.

Every now and then I’m swept with a wave of feeling like somehow my dreams have come true, after years of struggling, suffering and feeling sick. It feels wonderful.