Last night Tim and I had the inevitable discussion of marriage so that I can stay in the country.  We both came to the conclusion that we just can’t rush it and that it has to be authentic otherwise we would both feel heartbroken.  Even thought I feel the same way as him, I felt really upset by this as, before I left Australia, he had been so reassuring that everything would be ok with our marriage and my immigration.  It’s ok for me to be nervous but I need him to be confident!!

So we then went to this wicked pizza bar called Mellow Mushroom:  and I was suddenly shut down and couldn’t connect with him.  We enjoyed delicious meals of stuffed mushroom and this amazing buffalo wing pizza (orgasmic – made with whole wheat and mountain spring water with spicy chicken sauce, ranch, caremalised onion, chicken and bacon!!! I’ve never been a massive pizza afficionado but this was worth breaking my diet for) and as we were leaving Tim accidentally led me to bash my shin against a hidden low lying bench.  The bang was loud!  Immediately he hugged me, I was in so much pain I shoved him away so hard and walked outside.  He came after me and, bless him he’s so sweet, asked if he could hold my hand.  The tears started coming out of my eyes and I couldn’t fight it anymore – the anger, frustration, pain and disappointment came spilling over my cheeks.  We got in his truck and he drove me to get icecream to make me feel better.

This is now the second time I’ve spent weeping in the truck – the last was on Sunday night on our way back from Austin following a boozy day of patio bars and good food not in my diet PS pork belly brioche sliders are AMAZING! – that time was after a song came on the radio that reminded me of Laef.  It’s so refreshing to feel like I can let go emotionally and have someone to look after me.  Since Laef died I think I’ve been struggling to hold it all in, hold everything together because, nomatter how sick or sad I got, I had to keep working full time and there was nobody to lean on.

So Tim was lovely last night, he held my hand and let me cry at the mall where we went to get icecream.  He says he thinks I’ve been emotionally deprived in Australia, that he wants to take care of me and that I should let it out.  I am so very lucky he came into my life.

I’m feeling so much better now and last night I decided to fuck my diet and eat the good food I so long to enjoy over here (don’t tell my mum and my brother).  Stay tuned for more pizza updates.  As I hoed into my mystic pizza last night, it was almost a spiritual experience and I couldn’t help but draw the parallel to Liz in Eat Pray Love when she goes to Naples for sacred pizza.  Mmmm.