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I haven’t been writing in ages and, to be honest, it’s because I haven’t been happy.  Ever since Tim returned from his work trip of six weeks in July, I’ve felt like I’m in a “normal”, hum drum relationship – the magic has worn off and I don’t feel like I’m living my dream anymore.  Curious that this was somehow not all that it seemed and at the depth of my depression, I was very glad when my good friend Manal, who leads courses for breakthrough personal development company Landmark Education, came to town to lead the Forum.

I spent some time with her and in the course and, seemingly magically, I was suddenly seeing Tim the way I used to and so much love was present.  I can’t put my finger on exactly what it was that had the way I see him alter but I’m awfully grateful it happened – something, one of the barriers to who I really am was removed.

I actually would like to get to the source of my depression as I don’t want to stay medicated for the rest of my life.  I’ve started taking half a prozac daily again after coming off them because I had been feeling so good.  Is it chemical?  Well, probably not, given that I can alter it without taking the meds.  Is it genetic?  Like my father and his family were terribly negative, I actually couldn’t stand being around them when I was young.  It kind of feels like some kind of curse that got passed down.  Regardless, I am grateful for both my chemical and philosophical relief.

I haven’t been writing because I didn’t want to share how miserable I was with everyone but Tim says people would much rather hear what’s really going on than just my Polyanna fairytale version.  So, here goes…

 

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