I recently emailed a friend I’d not seen in a long time with an update and thought I’d post it. Apologies to my friends who’ve heard this story a bijillion times before.
The best thing I ever did was get out of Ferth (Fucken Perth), I had been so unhappy there for so long and I thought it was me. Didn’t realise till I came to the states that a) I was an American trapped in the body of an Australian and b) Perth is a terrible place to be (at least for someone like me).
About September 2011, my American pen pal (who had been very sympathetic over my boyfriend sleeping with his ex and being hideously duplicitous), skyped me for the first time.
Let me give you a lot of background to a very long story…
Ahem …
It all started when my little brother (who was nine years younger than me) went to college on exchange at Arizona State University in 2005. He made a bunch of friends there, including my now boyfriend Tim.
Sadly my brother died in 2008 but all his friends from around the world started a facebook group in his memory. In 2010, my health and relationship were in a really bad way, I was about to get power-heart-destroy-dumped by the biggest love in a long time and on the verge of a breakdown. On Laef’s facebook group one day, I saw this hot looking guy in an American army uniform and added him as a friend in the desperate hope my current boyfriend would actually care. Apparently he did not as he dumped me anyway.
…
So Tim started writing to me and for a year we kept in constant written contact. He was not like Australian men, I didn’t have to make all the effort and if I stopped writing, he would write me again. We both had various other partners over time and then he deployed to Iraq. I remember logging onto my computer at work every day and being delighted to have an email from my war hero pen pal. Often during that time, I would vaguely think to myself, “wouldn’t it be funny if we end up together, like a movie. But it’ll never happen”
So around Sept 2011, things started to get a bit flirty between me and my pen pal and on 16 Sept (I vividly remember our anniversary), he asked me to Skype. I had never heard his voice before much less seen him on video and the intimacy terrified me. He had just been words on my computer. I wouldn’t let him video chat me for ages. He thought that was so funny.
At the time, I had just being diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome, my life had fallen apart and I’d been given a redundancy payout from my job, been paid handsomely for a five year commercial I’d shot and lots more money came in. The miracle I’d been praying for (Eat Pray Love was practically my bible during this time) seemed to have finally arrived and I was OUTA there. I was thinking Byron Bay, India or France and my dear pen pal suggested I come to America. Over the next two months, we had conversations about logistics and relationships. We were both clear we couldn’t do long distance so we had to plan for it to be permanent if it worked. We had all sorts of conversations over Skype about commitment, expectations and what we wanted out of a relationship, of course there were Skype dates and Skype sex(!) and I packed up my life. We fell in love and on 21 November I boarded a Sydney to Dallas direct flight to move to a country I’d never even visited to be with a man I’d never met.
I know sensible, logical people must think I’m crazy but I KNEW in my heart and my soul it was what I needed. And now that I think of it, my parents had lots of American friends and I always loved their company. When I was modeling in Seoul (a heinously depressing place) in my twenties, the Americans on my tour bus to the demarcation zone were so positive and friendly, they made me happier. Americans are very expressive and connected, positive and creating better lives. I felt spiritually and emotionally deprived in Australia where people are repressed, isolating and heartless.
It was also the most sensible, healthy way to start a relationship. Because the stakes were so high with me moving to the other side of the world, we discussed EVERYTHING and we were both really committed to the long term. No drunken hookups, manipulation or wondering – we both knew where we stood and what we wanted.
As an aside, I was using a lot of the Rori Raye tools for communication and he really led the way. Rori has been the best thing to happen to my love life and if you want to find out more, go to:
http://www.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/
Her blog can be found at:
http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/
And it’s been awesome. Tim makes me so happy, he’s the biggest ball of love I’ve ever met and we get along so well and he just wants to please me all the time. He’s softened me, so much so that, when I came here I didn’t like dogs at all and now I NEED a puppy!! So we’re blissfully happy and I love living in America.
I don’t so much like living in Arlington (35 mins out of Dallas and a bit ghetto) but Tim is applying for colleges to go do his MBA so we may be in Kentucky, Tennessee, Fort Worth or North Carolina next fall. Ultimately I’m an east coast girl and would like to live in Maryland or somewhere close to my favourite places – Connecticut, New York (I LOVE NEW YORK, from my first day there I felt I’d found my home), Princeton, DC etc.
Related articles
- Pen Pals Wanted (crane.com)
- Post Script: Donovan Beeson (crane.com)
- Miracles (brittallen.wordpress.com)
- Pen pal program connects food lovers (thegazette.com)
- Mary and Max: An 8-Year-Old Girl and an Obese, Asperger’s Adult are an Unlikely Pair of Pen Pals in this Claymation Film [Video] (gizmodo.com)
